Bugs Bleat 4Q 08: October 2008

Volume 10, Issue 43 Friday, October 24, 2008

Hello All,

Dusty was honored with a “Murphy Oil” award at his school Tuesday. He and other 7th graders were given certificates and checks for their scores on standardized tests they took in the 6th grade. Dusty scored in the top 1% of the nation.
~~~~~
A change in command at Arkansas State Police Troop G, headquartered in Hope, will take place when newly-named ASP Captain Jeff Jester (a great guy) will succeed Captain Ron Stovall (an old acquaintance) upon his retirement at the end of the month.
Jeff is a super guy who has always brought humor and a “firm” smile to his police work.
Ron holds the distinction of being the only Arkansas State Police Captain that I know of who played in a movie with George Peppard. The movie, “Five Days from Home” was filmed in and around Springhill, Louisiana in 1974/1975. Ron plays a state trooper (severe typecasting) who attempts to capture Peppard’s character.
In the movie, George Peppard plays T.M. Pryor a Gentle Man imprisoned in Louisiana’s infamous Angola prison. When his son becomes critically ill, he has to put his life on the line in an attempt to reach the boy. He escapes and encounters many adventures in his cross country journey to reach his child. And his only help is a beagle puppy who isn't even housebroken. This is the type of feel good adventure movie that Annette and I love. I first saw it in College Station Texas in 1978 while attending my first A&M fire school.
George Peppard's third wife, Sherry Boucher, was a Springhill native and persuaded George to shoot the movie in her hometown. Sherry, who played Wanda Dulac in the movie and her sister Savannah Smith Boucher, who played Georgie Haskin, started acting as kids. Savannah has stayed “in the business” and has a new project coming out soon. Sherry still dabbles in the movie business but spends most of her time as a realtor in Shreveport/Bossier City, Louisiana.
The movie also stared another one of my favorite actors, Neville Brand, who played Markley. Locals who get a chance to see the movie will recognize scenes shot on the shore of Lake Earling, on US 371 between Taylor and Springhill, in the Springhill city park and old timers will recognize the interior of the long gone “Friendly Bar” in Cullen which served the movie as a bar scene, supposedly in Los Angles.
Now that I’ve wetted your appetite for this movie, you’ll have to hope that it returns to TV some day because it has never been released on video much less DVD.
~~~~~
Daylight Saving Time/Summertime Period Ends - Nov 2
~~~~~
The Arkansas Alcoholic Beverage Commission acted within the law to grant a private club permit to Bayou Bistro, a Magnolia restaurant, a judge ruled recently. This is no surprise to me. The ABC only did what the law calls far. The law that was changed by our state legislators a few years back in a quiet little bill that almost no one noticed. Basically the bill’s language changed the definition of a “private club” enabling almost any business that serves food to be considered a private club and entitled to serve liquor, even in supposedly dry counties. These “clubs” are sprouting up in almost all of Arkansas’s “dry counties now.
As I’ve said before, I have two problems with this change in the law. 1. I’m in favor of local option elections to allow citizens to ban the public sale of alcoholic beverages in their municipalities. And 2. I’m angry that the legislature has invalidated the votes of many local people across the state.
~~~~~
David Lewis, owner of the Cameo Theater and former owner of Lewis Ambulance Service died yesterday. I worked for David back in the ‘80s when I first became an EMT. He was always there for me during some difficult times as an EMT.
~~~~~
The 2008-2009 South Arkansas Symphony Orchestra season will begin shortly. We have tickets for any employees who like to attend one of these performances. These tickets will be distributed on a first come/first served basis:

From Broadway to You
Saturday, October 25 El Dorado
Sunday, October 26 Magnolia

Musical Gifts
Sunday, November 23 Camden

Hodie!
Sunday, December 14 El Dorado

In Honor of Dr. Martin Luther King
Monday, January 12 El Dorado

Valentine Romance
Saturday, February 14 El Dorado
Sunday, February 15 Magnolia

Viva Epspana!
Saturday, April 25 El Dorado
~~~~~
Vote for the Water Bond Act and Against Amendment 2.
~~
The following news release is for your review. While the AEF Board has taken no position on Amendment 2, I think that the Coalition’s position reflects the thoughts held by many of us on the “government relations” side of the equation. The AEF Board does, however, support The Arkansas Water Bond Act - Referred Question 1, which extends the current $300 million 1998 bond program that provides low-interest, tax-free bonds for water, wastewater, sewer, drainage, irrigation, flood control and wetlands projects throughout the state.
Randy

Coalition Formed: Arkansans Against Amendment 2

LITTLE ROCK — A broad coalition representing business, community and employee groups have formed Arkansans Against Amendment 2: Vote NO on Annual Sessions to formally oppose Amendment 2 on the November ballot.
The Arkansas State Chamber of Commerce, the Associated Industries of Arkansas, the Arkansas State Employees Association, Inc., the Arkansas Municipal League and the Arkansas Farm Bureau have come together in opposition to Amendment 2. If passed, proposed Constitutional Amendment 2 would create annual legislative sessions.
Currently the Legislature meets for a minimum of 60 days every other year, with special sessions as needed. Proposed Constitutional Amendment 2 would limit state appropriations to one year and establish a “fiscal session” every year. It would also allow the consideration of any issue by a two-thirds vote. The amendment would permit the General Assembly to change the meeting date and the year of the fiscal session and allow the Legislature to extend both sessions.
“This is the first step toward a full-time Legislature and the death of a citizen Legislature,” said Don Zimmerman, executive director of the Arkansas Municipal League. “A full-time Legislature requires a lot of time and personal expense. Traditionally, Arkansans have supported a voluntary, citizen Legislature and I believe it’s a system that has worked well for the state.
“This amendment will reduce the number of men and women in Arkansas who will be willing and able to serve, especially those who live further from Little Rock.”
The five organizations forming Arkansans Against Amendment 2 are backed by membership and board policy to oppose the amendment. All five organizations cited a concern about the expense of the additional sessions, from extra days in the Capitol for legislators, to extra staffing requirements, to the added work of the Department of Finance and Administration to prepare annual budgets.
“The Legislature has demonstrated the ability to prepare the budget successfully without annual sessions,” said Randy Zook, president and CEO of the Arkansas State Chamber/Associated Industries of Arkansas. “Our state is one of the few in the nation that has a balanced budget requirement. Our Department of Finance and Administration and the state Legislature, through their predictions and conservative budgeting, have kept Arkansas in good financial shape. This amendment calls for an unnecessary growth of government to do, in essence, what we already do now.”
“The state currently has a safety valve that allows the Governor to call special sessions as needed,” said Stanley Reed, president of the Arkansas Farm Bureau. “If a critical situation arose with the budget or any other matter, the governor can call the General Assembly together. Amendment 2 simply assumes that the Legislature needs to meet every year for an extended length of time. That is just not the case.”
Arkansas Against Amendment 2’s main goal is to encourage other organizations and citizens to examine the issue more closely.
“We don’t want this amendment to get lost on the ballot without voters understanding the issue,” said Kay Durnett, executive director of the Arkansas State Employees Association, Inc. “Take a close look at this amendment and decide yourself. We don’t believe Arkansas needs annual sessions of the Legislature sessions and believe most Arkansans will agree with us once they take a close look at the amendment.”
~~~~~
Magnolia Lions Club Fundraiser - October 30 - Grilled Hamburger Take-out Supper $6.00. Hamburger, Chips, Cookie & Soda. Pick up at Brookshire's Parking Lot - 4:30 to 6:00 p.m.
~~~~~
It's almost time for Albemarle’s 2008 Health Fair! - Please mark this date on your calendar and plan to attend!! Thursday, October 30 - Maintenance Complex Communications Room - 10:00 - 12:00 1:00 - 3:00
~~~~~
Don’t forget to use GoodSearch [http://www.goodsearch.com/] when you search the Internet!
~~~~~
DarynKagan.com - - Couple Gives 11 Children A "Forever Family"
Lori and Daniel O'Brien thought they were done after having 3 biological children. Then, their oldest daughter brought home a friend whose parents didn't want her anymore. That set the O'Briens on a journey of love bigger than anything they could've imagined for themselves. - - http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/love/stories/lv_081024_foreverfamily.html
~~~~~
It's National Chemistry Week, and -- as an older generation is retiring -- it has never been more important to try to get students involved in science, writes Cal Dooley, chief of the American Chemistry Council. There are plenty of high-paying jobs in the industry, and the education of youths to fill those jobs is imperative, Dooley writes. The Deseret News (Salt Lake City)/Hearst Newspapers (10/23) [http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,705257238,00.html]
~~~~~
The Lighthouse Church - - October 19, 2008

Digging a well by hand is hard work. Imagine excavating a pit deep into the earth, hauling up buckets and buckets of dirt. But what could be more rewarding than that first spring of cool water? Then imagine someone forcing you to give it up. This happened to Isaac...twice. What do you do? You dig another well.
Our first well was in an office building in Covington. We reached out to hundreds of people and saw many new faces. We saw healings, salvations, and new believers filled with His Spirit. We struck living water!
Then we faced one crisis after another, both within the church and from without. I felt a lot like Isaac. When the lease was up, we felt that it would be an undue burden on our finances to renew it. So we dug another well.
God opened up a new place for us in Abita Springs. We moved in and immediately began our most aggressive evangelistic thrust ever. We saw more visitors in six weeks than we had seen in the previous six months. Then we had two families and two singles move out of town. Two other families decided to go to a neighboring church. We were back to where we started.
I was frustrated. Vanessa and I prayed even more for direction. Then I felt God speak to me to read about Isaac and those wells. Isaac had two locations that started off with fresh water. Then opposition set in. Then he ...”moved from there and dug another well, and they did not quarrel over it. So he called its name Rehoboth, because he said, 'For now the LORD has made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.'”(Gen. 26:22)
We have seen God do some great things and we have seen some tough times. But in the end, I can only say that He is faithful! We are going to be moving from here to dig another well, knowing that God is in control. I believe that He has made room for us farther on.
Our sound and video equipment, along with some furniture and baby beds, are going to a church plant in the Ninth Ward of New Orleans. They are launching in November, so all of our equipment will be put to God's use. We will no longer be needing your support. Our remaining finances will be used by the Louisiana District of the Assemblies of God to carry on more work like we started.
We are sad and excited. God has closed this door, and we are sure He will open another. We were able to lead several people to Christ and impact dozens of others here in St. Tammany Parish. Time, energy, money, and prayers spent to reach the unreached are never lost. Thank you for your overwhelming support, your prayers, and your kindness. May God pour it all back to you multiplied. We love you all.

In His Service,

Jimmy Malone
Lead Pastor
The Lighthouse Church
P.O. Box 942
Mandeville , LA
70470-0942
~~~~~
Dow Chemical's Q3 profit exceeds expectations - - Dow Chemical reports that higher prices on latex and plastics used in consumer packaging helped give the company a third-quarter profit of 60 cents a share, exceeding analysts' average estimate of a 58-cents-per-share profit. Net income increased 6.2% to $428 million.
~~~~~
Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [http://www.defenselink.mil/heroes/] - - Gregory Ruske - - Hometown: Colorado Springs, CO - - Awarded: Silver Star

Trapped with his unit in an exposed position, Ruske returned fire so most of the platoon could move to protective cover. Ruske then moved to a rooftop and continued laying fire even after taking a bullet to the hip.

At that point, Ruske realized that two Afghan National Police officers were still pinned down in the open, taking fire from their Taliban attackers. One ran for cover, but the other officer – one Ruske had worked with at vehicle checkpoints and chatted with through an interpreter – had been shot and was trying to crawl to safety through a hail of bullets.

“Seeing that dirt kick up no more than six inches from his head, I said, “Man, this is jacked up,” Ruske said later. “They are still shooting at this guy. He is still bleeding and shot. We have to go get him.” Disregarding his own safety, Ruske “simply reacted to the training” the Army had used to prepare him for combat, he said.

Ruske ordered his squad automatic weapon gunner, Army Spc. Walter Reed, to spray the enemy in a Z-shaped pattern, expending a whole box of 200 rounds to give Ruske and his buddy, Army Spc. Eric Seagraves, time to run out to retrieve the officer. The two dodged bullets as they grabbed the Afghan police officer’s arms and dragged him toward a wall that provided protective covering. Only when Ruske and Seagraves went to lift the man behind the wall did they realize that Ruske’s leg had been shattered.
Later that day, after Ruske was taken to Bagram Airfield to receive treatment for his gunshot wound, he checked on the Afghan officer and was relieved to see that he had survived and would keep both legs.
Now back at his civilian job as a juvenile corrections officer in Denver, Ruske is awaiting his reassignment to a new Army Reserve unit, because his former unit was deactivated.
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings,

I'm temporarily out of Afghanistan, but am putting to paper some of the experiences.

A short dispatch and two photos were just published. Click [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/] to read.

Also, some photos of Afghan kids were just published. Please look at "Jurassic Trailer Park."

V/R,Your correspondent,
Michael
Http://www.michaelyon-online.com/index.php
~~~~~
America is not at war. The military is at war. - - America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars.
~~~~~
Last week we watched [Ratings are my own]:
Tortilla Soup (2001) [8] Starring Jacqueline Obradors ... Tamara Mello ... Elizabeth Peña ... Hector Elizondo ... Raquel Welch ... Paul Rodriguez
Eight Below (2006) [7.5] Starring Paul Walker ... Bruce Greenwood ... Moon Bloodgood
Poirot: Mystery of the Blue Train (2005) [8.5] Starring David Suchet ... James D'Arcy ... Alice Eve
Mad Money (2008) [7.5] Starring Diane Keaton ... Ted Danson ... Katie Holmes ... Adam Rothenberg ... Queen Latifah
Body Guard (1992) [8.0] Starring Kevin Costner ... Whitney Houston ... Gary Kemp ... Bill Cobbs
It Happened One Night (1934) [9.0] Starring Clark Gable ... Claudette Colbert ... Walter Connolly ... Roscoe Karns
Desk Set (1957) [9.5] Starring Spencer Tracy ... Katharine Hepburn ... Gig Young ... Joan Blondell
People Will Talk (1951) [9.5] Starring Cary Grant ... Jeanne Crain ... Finlay Currie ... Hume Cronyn ... Walter Slezak
The Italian Job (2003) [7.5] Starring Mark Wahlberg ... Charlize Theron ... Donald Sutherland ... Jason Statham ... Edward Norton
~~~~~
Last week we read; Into the storm : a novel / Suzanne Brockmann. - - The ghost war / by Alex Berenson.
We’re currently reading; They marched into sunlight : war and peace, Vietnam and America, October 1967 / David Maraniss. - - The Faith: Chuck Colson
We intend to read;- - The shadow of Reichenbach Falls / John R. King. - -- - In a strange city / Laura Lippman.
We recommend: The Faith: Chuck Colson
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.
com/BugsBleat/shelf?ec=7D790D174EFS18012
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include; Dusty getting his “Murphy Award”, David and Dusty, “Murphy Award” recipients show off their certificates, Josiah Reading, Ethan being Ethan.
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Last quarter’s issues can be seen at http://www.bugsbleat3q08.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
If you want to see more photos of April’s train wreck in Magnolia, go to http://www.bugsbleattw.blogspot.com/
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Dr. Pat Antoon’s Address:
Pat Antoon 06669-010
Federal Prison Camp
P.O. Box 9300
Texarkana, TX 75505
Be sure and keep him in your prayers.
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - - PIZZA SPAGHETTI CASSEROLE

Kids, of any age, who like both pizza and spaghetti will enjoy the taste of the Italian flavors in this classic casserole recipe.

Preparation time: 20 min Baking time: 30 min
Yield: 8 servings

6 ounces uncooked dried spaghetti, broken in half
3/4 pound lean ground beef, pork or turkey
1 medium green bell pepper, chopped
1 medium (½ cup) onion, chopped
1 (26-ounce) jar garden-style spaghetti sauce
2 ounces pepperoni slices
1 (8-ounce) package (2 cups) LAND O LAKES® Mozzarella Cheese, shredded

Heat oven to 350̊F. Cook spaghetti according to package directions. Drain.

Meanwhile, cook ground beef in 10-inch skillet over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until browned (5 to 6 minutes). Drain off fat. Add green pepper and onion. Continue cooking until vegetables are crisply tender (2 to 3 minutes). Stir in cooked spaghetti and spaghetti sauce; mix will.

Spoon half of spaghetti mixture into greased 11x7-inch baking dish; top with half of pepperoni. Cover with 1 cup cheese. Repeat layering.

Bake for 30 to 35 minutes or until mixture is heated through.

Nutrition Facts (1 serving): Calories: 320, Fat: 16g, Cholesterol: 45mg, Sodium: 730mg, Carbohydrates: 26g, Dietary Fiber: 3g, Protein: 18g

http://www.landolakes.com/mealIdeas/ViewRecipePrint.cfm?RecipeID=10490
~~~~~
BreakPoint
Earn, Save, Give
By Mark Earley
10/24/2008
Christians and Money Management

Note: This commentary was delivered by PFM President Mark Earley.

It’s been a rough month financially for everyone. We’ve watched the stock market’s plunge and our retirement or college plans shrivel up like autumn leaves. Hard times call for some hard thinking—and a re-examination of how all of us, as Christians, should manage our finances and plan for our futures. So let’s do it.

The famous preacher John Wesley had the right recipe for Christian money management. It was quite simple: Earn all you can, save all you can, and give all you can.

Simple, yes. But quite profound. In fact, Wesley delivered a lengthy sermon on the topic. It’s a sermon I would recommend you read. But let me warn you: Reading a Wesley sermon is not for the faint of heart. He had the gift of convicting his audience.

You also need to know that Wesley’s thoughts on how to use money are all grounded in the concept of stewardship. As he pointed out, you are not your own. You belong to God, and so then do your finances. You are not an owner, you are a steward.

So let’s begin with earning all you can. Wesley was no fan of leisure. But he was huge on hard work. “Gain all you can by honest industry,” Wesley said. “Use all possible diligence in your calling. Lose no time. If you understand yourself and your relation to God and man, you know you have none to spare.”

He was also quite clear what he meant about “honest industry.” He urged his hearers not to take employment that would damage their health, compromise their religious principles, or harm others.

Some jobs, for instance, cannot be performed “without cheating or lying, or conformity to some custom which is not consistent with a good conscience.” These kinds of jobs, Wesley said, “are sacredly to be avoided . . . for to gain money we must not lose our souls.”

On the topic of saving money, Wesley was uncompromising as well in a way that, I’m sure, made his audience squirm. “Do not waste any part of so precious a talent merely in gratifying the desires of the flesh,” he said.

He wanted to be sure his listeners got the point. When it came to fancy foods, the latest fashions, elegant furniture, he had this to say: “Cut off all this expense!”

He even urged Christians not to overspend on the kids. “Why should you purchase for them more pride or lust, more vanity, or foolish and hurtful desires?” he said. “They do not want any more; they have enough already; nature has made ample provision for them.”

Now there’s some tough talk in today’s times.

As for “give all you can,” Wesley again was blunt. You really haven’t saved anything if you merely hoard your money, he argued. “You may as well throw your money into the sea, as bury it in the earth . . . or in the Bank of England.” Not to use it toward a good end is to “throw it away.”

Indeed, according to Wesley, Christians are to use their money to ensure their own health and strength as well as the health and strength of their families, then to “do good to them that are of the household of God,” and then, “to do good to all men.”

Earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can. Simple yet profound advice in good times and in bad.

For Further Reading and Information

John Wesley, “The Use of Money,” Wesley Center Online.

“Accounting for Disaster: Wall Street, Congress, and You,” BreakPoint Commentary, 23 September 2008.

“Faith, Not Fear: God and Wall Street,” BreakPoint Commentary, 17 September 2008.

“What Money Can Buy,” The Point Radio, 2 June 2008.

“The Price of Privilege,” The Point Radio, 15 November 2007.

“No Free Lunch,” The Point Radio, 26 October 2007.

© 2008 Prison Fellowship - - http://www.breakpoint.org/
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
expeditious: characterized by speed and efficiency.
alfresco: outdoors; outdoor.
bailiwick: a person's specific area of knowledge, authority, interest, skill, or work.
malfeasance: wrongdoing, misconduct, or misbehavior.
synecdoche: figure of speech
synecdoche: figure of speech
plenary: full; complete.
limn: to draw or paint; also, to describe.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder." - George Washington

"To be free / Is often to be lonely." - W.H. Auden

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." - Leo Tolstoy

"A friend in power is a friend lost." - Henry Adams

"If I have seen further [than certain other men] it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants." - Isaac Newton

"Quarrel not at all. No man resolved to make the most of himself, can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take all the consequences, including the vitiating of his temper, and the loss of self-control. Yield larger things to which you can show no more than equal right; and yield lesser ones, though clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog, than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite." - Abraham Lincoln

"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." - Thomas Jefferson

I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God: first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done. - - J. Hudson Taylor
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

Dr. Dobson Interviews Abortion Survivor Gianna Jessen
Aimee Herd (October 22, 2008)
"…I am God's girl, and I know that if that [persecution] is coming, then I am on the right road. It fires me up to be like Esther and to live in this time, for such a time as this."
Gianna Jessen was born and survived against all odds—even against the odds of an abortion. Thirty-one years ago, a tiny baby withstood being burned alive in a saline abortion, and was born weighing just 2 lbs.
Fortunately for Gianna, the abortionist wasn't in the room when a nurse had her taken to a hospital and attended to medically. However, due to the attempted abortion, she was deprived of oxygen long enough to cause Cerebral Palsy; a condition she lives with today.
Doctors had stated that Gianna would never hold her head up, crawl, or walk. But Gianna—an on-fire Christian—not only accomplished all of those, she has run in and completed several marathons.
Gianna has spoken out about her survival in an ad produced by BornAliveTruth.org [http://www.bornalivetruth.org/], and in various interviews, such as the one excerpted below with Dr. James Dobson.
The following are excerpts from Dr. Dobson's interview with Gianna Jessen on Citizen Link. To download and listen to the interview, CLICK [http://focusfamaction.edgeboss.net/download/focusfamaction/c4daily/2008-10-17-daily-c4.mp3].
Do you have hope Roe v. Wade will be overturned in your lifetime?
I know God can do anything. The possibility of Roe v. Wade being overturned is quite high—which is amazing to say. But the thing that does trouble me is the hardness of people. All I know is whether it is overturned or not, we will commit ourselves to care for women and children and stand up for them.
In a TV ad, you challenge Sen. Barack Obama over his repeated opposition to the Illinois Born Alive Infant Protection Act. In response, a new ad calls you a liar, sleazy and vile. How do you respond to that?
The exact opposite response of what they're expecting. It actually blesses me because I am God's girl, and I know that if that is coming, then I am on the right road. It fires me up to be like Esther and to live in this time, for such a time as this.
If you could sit down with Sen. Obama, what would you say to him? Do you think you could sway him?
I've challenged him, and he won't meet with me so far, but maybe one day he will. [I would ask him…]
"Sir, why do you discard life so easily? I just want to know why. When did you decide that you had the right to determine who lives and who dies? You are not God."
I think God could sway him. I think he's frightened of me, really. The fact that I have cerebral palsy as a direct result of having survived an abortion is very convicting to people. I mean, that's my sermon.
If the Lord was sitting right in front of me and said, "G ('cause that's my nickname), do you want Me to make you whole?" I would say, firstly, "I'm going to be whole when I get home. But, if You leave me this way, I have a sermon to preach without saying a word, and I'll get to know You in a way I (would) never [have] know[n] You had I not been schooled in the school of adversity."
Source: Citizen Link [http://www.citizenlink.org/CLtopstories/A000008470.cfm]

310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail editor@breakingchristiannews.com
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Shirt Note

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------

The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a ladies' man, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.

Heart aflutter, he opened her response.

It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Southernese

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Conrad) -Tom
-------------------------------------

Yorta have a lookit thisun: Yankee's guide to "Southernese". If you do not understand any of them, contact a Southerner for an explanation.

FOAL: Not a baby horse. This is flexible aluminum for baking.
Usage: "I put the taters in foal, afore I baked um."

HEIDI:(noun) Greeting.

HIRE YEW:(complete sentence) Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

BARD: (verb) Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH: (noun) A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS: (noun) A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

RANCH:(noun) A tool used for tightnin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL:(noun) A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR:(noun) A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR:(noun) A rubber wheel.
Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

BAMMER:(noun) The state west of Jawjuh. Capital is Muntgumry.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer."

COLE DRANK: (adjective/noun) A chilled beverage, typically soda.

THANK:(verb) Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have me a cole drank."

DAYUM: A cuss word Rhett Butler used in "Gone With the Wind."
Usage: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dayum."

IGNERT: (adjective) Not smart.
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

BAHS: (noun) A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

BAWL: (verb) What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
Usage: "That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it."

TIRE: (noun) A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD:(verb) To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

TARRED: (adjective) Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Et-lanna, and boy my arms are tarred."

OVAIR: (phrase) In that direction.
Usage: "Where's yo paw, son?" "He's ovair, suh."

FARN: (adjective) Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... Must be from some farn country."

DID: (adjective) Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

ARE: (noun) A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe; give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR: (noun) A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

MUCHABLIGE: (phrase) Thank you.
Usage: "Muchablige for the lift, mister."

IDNIT: (phrase) Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying Ain't.
Usage: "Mighty hot today, idnit?"

SEED: (verb) Seen, past tense.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City."

VIEW: (phrase) Have You?
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... View?"

HEAVY DEW: (phrase) A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Golf Slice

Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------

The panic-stricken golfer charged into the clubhouse, grabbed the pro by the arm and said, "You have to help! I was on the 9th hole and I hit a terrible slice. The ball sailed right off the course and hit a guy riding a motorcycle. He lost control and swerved into the path of a truck. The truck tried to stop but jack-knifed, rolled over and broke apart. It was carrying hundreds of bee hives and now the angry bees are attacking everyone in sight. It's awful! It's a disaster! What should I do?"

"Well, the first thing is you've got to keep your arms straight and remember to get your right hand a bit more under the club."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Tattoo

Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------

Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand these days. I wasn't surprised when one of my daughter's friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents," she begged.

"I won't," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?"

"Honesty," she said.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF The Extra One

Found at The Shark Tank (Computerworld) -Tom http://sharkbait.computerworld.com/?q=node/2749&source=NLT_SHARK&nlid=6
-------------------------------------

The place where I work decided to provide company-paid cell phones to the "suits" upstairs. After negotiating a deal with a cell phone company, we arranged for the phones to be sent directly to the homes of the various VIP's.

The day after delivery, I received a call from a partner screaming about how his cell phone didn't work. He said he charged it overnight just like the sheet said, but in the morning, it wouldn't power up.

I asked EXACTLY what he did with the phone when he got it.

"I took it out, plugged the charger into the wall and into the phone."

"Did you put the battery in the phone?"

"Not the extra one."

"Sir, the phone only came with one battery."

(Pause) "Oh, I think I figured out what's wrong with it."
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Answer: A, B, C, D, E, F, & G. \ /
\ _/ Question: Name the early \_ /
/ / versions of Preparation H. \ \
- Carnac
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Good government. \ /
\ _/ Good government. \_ /
/ / Sit. Stay. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Sometimes I wake up grumpy. \ /
\ _/ Other times I let her sleep. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'm on a 30 day diet. \ /
\ _/ So far, I've lost \_ /
/ / 15 days. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The second day of a diet is \ /
\ _/ always easier than the first. \_ /
/ / By the second day you're off it. \ \
-Jackie Gleason
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@kcbx.net |
| http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor |
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man'.. And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln 's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's ______'s clock?' asked the man.
'_______'s clock is in Jesus' office.

He's using it as a ceiling fan.

Thanks to Waneta
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IF you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam
answers

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

kids are Quick!!!!!!

Thanks to Waneta
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You gotta do this...................

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.... Read all the Numbers... Slowly and in Order!!
Be Careful not to MISS ANY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26

27

28
29

30
Finished?

GOOD ! TOMORROW I'LL SEND YOU THE ABC's !

It takes so little to amuse old people.

Thanks to Gary Foreman
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Tea Party

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother, who is four years older than I am. I was maybe one and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken, among other injuries. Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea," which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home. My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!"

My mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up. She then asked, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Received from Paula Sanning.

(-:][:-)

Talking Clock

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You idiot! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"

Received from Chris Keniston.

(-:][:-)

Car Problems

Jill's car was unreliable, and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls.

"What happened this time?" he asked.

"My brakes went out," Jill said. "Can you come to get me?"

"Where are you?" John asked.

"I'm in the drugstore," Jill responded.

"And where's the car?" John asked.

"It's right here, with me."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(-:][:-)

Stop vs. Slow Down

Only in Texas my friends.... Only in Texas ....

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense. The deputy says," License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop," says the deputy. "License and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the deputy says.

The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration, and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out a squirt gun and starts spraying the lawyer all over his face. He then asks, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Received from Bryan Kile.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2008/07/09/my-confession/ - - My Confession
My Confession (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m married, but still like to date.
It’s good for my marriage — no, great!
Now don’t be perturbed
Or concerned or disturbed.
The fellow I date is my mate.

http://www.madkane.com
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Every time I am asked to pray, I think of the old deacon who always prayed, 'Lord, prop us up on our leanin' side.' After hearing him pray that prayer many times, someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so fervently.

He answered, 'Well sir, you see, it's like this... I got an old barn out back. It's been there a long time; it's withstood a lot of weather; it's gone through a lot of storms, and it's stood for many years.

It's still standing. But one day I noticed it was leaning to one side a bit.

So I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leaning side so it wouldn't fall.

Then I got to thinking about that and how much I was like that old barn. I've been around a long time.

I've withstood a lot of life's storms. I've withstood a lot of bad weather in life, I've withstood a lot of hard times, and I'm still standing too. But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time, so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side, 'cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning at times.

Sometimes we get to leaning toward anger, leaning toward bitterness, leaning toward hatred, leaning toward cussing, leaning toward a lot of things that we shouldn't . So we need to pray, 'Lord, prop us up on our leaning side, so we will stand straight and tall again, to glorify the Lord.''

Thanks To David Lamb
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The speech George W. Bush should give:

Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media.

Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq 's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.

Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons, and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel . Did you sleep through high school?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out spend and out-tech them.

That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'

Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.

I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means do nothing Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around Nov- 4- 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America .
Some of you know what I mean.

PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.

Thanks to Waneta
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I know everyone has a different opinion on the war and our current President, but, this article makes a lot of sense, take 2 minutes, read it and give it some thought.

When electing the next President, 'the only decision you have to make is who you want sitting in that seat in the White House when - not if - when we get hit again and millions of American lives are put at risk!'

This is from: ' You Ain't Gonna Like Losing.'

President Bush did make a bad mistake in the war on terrorism, but the mistake was not his decision to go to war in Iraq. Bush's mistake came in his belief that this country is the same one his father fought for in WWII . . . . It is not.

Back then, we had just come out of a vicious depression. The country was steeled by the hardship of that depression, but they still believed fervently in this country. They knew that the people had elected their leaders, so it was the people's duty to back those leaders.

Therefore, when the war broke out the people came together, rallied behind, and stuck with their leaders, whether they had voted for them or not or whether the war was going badly or not.

And war was just as distasteful and the anguish just as great then as it is today.. Often there were more casualties in one day in WWII than we have had in the entire Iraq war. But that did not matter. The people stuck with the President because it was their patriotic duty. Americans put aside their differences in WWII and worked together to win that war.

Everyone from every strata of society, from young to old pitched in. Small children pulled little wagons around to gather scrap metal for the war effort. Grade school students saved their pennies to buy stamps for war bonds to help the effort.

Men who were too old or medically 4-F lied about their age or condition trying their best to join the military.

Women doubled their work to keep things going at home. Harsh rationing of everything from gasoline to soap, to butter was imposed, yet there was very little complaining.

You never heard prominent people on the radio belittling the President. Interestingly enough in those days there were no fat cat actors and entertainers who ran off to visit and fawn over dictators of hostile countries and complain to them about our President. Instead, they made upbeat films and entertained our troops to help the troops' morale. And a bunch of them even enlisted.

And imagine this: Teachers in schools actually started the day off with a Pledge of Allegiance, and with prayers for our country and our troops!

Back then, no newspaper would have dared point out certain weak spots in our cities where bombs could be set off to cause the maximum damage. No newspaper would have dared complain about what we were doing to catch spies. A newspaper would have been laughed out of existence if it had complained that German or Japanese soldiers were being 'tortured' by being forced to wear women's underwear, or subjected to interrogation by a woman, or being scared by a dog or did not have air conditioning.

There were a lot of things different back then. We were not subjected to a constant bombardment of pornography, perversion and promiscuity in movies or on radio. We did not have legions of crack heads, dope pushers and armed gangs roaming our streets.

No, President Bush did not make a mistake in his handling of terrorism. He made the mistake of believing that we still had the courage and fortitude of our fathers. He believed that this was still the country that our fathers fought so dearly to preserve.

It is not the same country. It is now a cross between Sodom and Gomorra and the land of Oz. We did unite for a short while after 9/11, but our attitude changed when we found out that defending our country would require some sacrifices.

We are in great danger. The terrorists are fanatic Muslims. They believe that it is okay, even their duty, to kill anyone who will not convert to Islam. It has been estimated that about one third or over three hundred million Muslims are sympathetic to the terrorists cause. Hitler and Tojo combined did not have nearly that many potential recruits. So, we either win it -or lose it -and you ain't gonna like losing.

America is not at war. The military is at war.

America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars.

Thanks to Waneta
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Obama's Magic - - Presto, change-o!
By KIMBERLEYA. STRASSEL - WSJ - Columnist

And now,America, we introduce the Great Obama! The world's most gifted political magician! A thing of wonder. A thing of awe. Just watch him defy politics, economics, even gravity! (And hold your applause until the end, please.)

To kick off our show tonight, Mr. Obama will give 95% of American working families a tax cut, even though 40% of Americans today don't pay income taxes! How can our star enact such mathemagic? How can he 'cut' zero? Abracadabra! It's called a 'refundable tax credit.' It involves the federal government taking money from those who do pay taxes, and writing checks to those who don't. Yes, yes, in the real world this is known as 'welfare,' but please try not to ruin the show.
[Potomac Watch]Ken Fallin

For his next trick, the Great Obama will jumpstart the economy, and he'll do it byraisingtaxes on the very businesses that are today adrift in a financial tsunami! That will include all those among the top 1% of taxpayers who are in fact small-business owners, and the nation's biggest employers who currently pay some of the highest corporate tax rates in the developed world. Mr. Obama will, with a flick of his fingers, show them how to create more jobs with less money. It's simple, really. He has a wand.

Next up, Mr. Obama will re-regulate the economy, with no ill effects whatsoever! You may have heard that for the past 40 years most politicians believed deregulation was good for theU.S.economy. You might have even heard that much of today's financial mess tracks to loose money policy, or Fannie and Freddie excesses. Our magician will show the fault was instead with our failure to clamp down on innovation and risk-taking, and will fix this with new, all-encompassing rules. Presto!

Did someone in the audience just shout 'Sarbanes Oxley?' Usher, can you remove that man? Thank you. Mr. Obama will now demonstrate how he gives Americans the 'choice' of a 'voluntary' government health plan, designed in such a way as to crowd out the private market and eliminate all other choice! Don't worry people: You won't have to join, until you do. Mr. Obama will follow this with a demonstration of how his plan will differ from our failing Medicare program. Oops, sorry, folks. The Great Obama just reminded me it is time for an intermission. Maybe we'll get to that marvel later.

We're back now. And just watch the Great Obama perform a feat never yet managed in all history. He will create that enormous new government health program, spend billions to transform our energy economy, provide financial assistance to former Soviet satellites, invest in infrastructure, increase education spending, provide job training assistance,and give 95% of Americans a tax (ahem) cut -- all without raising the deficit a single penny! And he'll do it in the middle of a financial crisis. And with falling tax revenues! Voila!

Moving along to a little ventriloquism. Study his mouth carefully, folks: Itlooks like he's saying 'I'll stop the special interests,' when in fact the wordscoming out are 'Welcome toWashington, friends!' Wind and solar companies, ethanol makers, tort lawyers, unions, community organizers -- all are welcome to feed at the public trough and to request special favors. From now on 'special interests' will only refer to universally despised, if utterly crucial, economic players. Say, oil companies. Hocus Pocus!
And for tonight's finale, the Great Obama will upholdAmerica's 'moral' obligation to 'stop genocide' by abandoningIraq! While teleported to the region, he will simultaneously convince Iranian leaders to peacefully abandon their nuclear pursuits (even as he doesnot sit down with them), fixAfghanistanwith a strategy that doesnotresemble the Iraqi surge, and (drumroll!) pull Osama bin Laden out of his hat!

Tada!

You can clap now. (Applause. Cheers.) We'd like to thank a few people in the audience. Namely, Republican presidential nominee John McCain, who has so admirably restrained himself from running up on stage to debunk any of these illusions and spoil everyone's fun.

We know he's in a bit of a box, having initially blamed today's financial crisis on corporate 'greed,' and thus made it that much harder to call for a corporate tax cut, or warn against excessive regulation. Still, there were some pretty big openings up here this evening, and he let them alone! We'd also like to thank Mr. McCain for keeping all the focus on himself these past weeks. It has helped the Great Obama to just get on with the show.

As for that show, we'd love to invite you all back for next week's performance, when the Great Obama will thrill with new, amazing exploits. He will respect your Second Amendment rights even as he regulates firearms! He will renegotiate Nafta, even as he supports free trade! He will . . .

Thanks to Gary Foreman
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Phenylpropanolamine (PPA)

I would like to thank those of you who expressed condolences on the recent passing of my mother.. She suffered a hemorrhagic stroke while she was driving home from my house on 7/30 and passed away on 8/3. My mother's stroke and passing was an enormous shock to my family because she did not have any symptoms or risk factors for a stroke. Just the week before she had gone to her doctor for a check up and received a clean bill of health. She did, however, develop a cold while she was visiting me and had taken an over the counter cold medicine for 3 days. Since her passing, we have learned that many cold medicines contain Phenylpropanolamine (PPA) which can caus e hemorrhagic stokes or cerebral bleeding.
I urge you to check the ingredients list on the OTC medicines you have and avoid any with PPA. Drugs containing PHENYLPROPANOLAMINE are dangerous. You may want to try calling the 800 number listed on most drug boxes and inquire about a REFUND.

Thanks to Anne Oldham
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 14, Number 4 -- 20 Oct 2008
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com
+ ------------------------------------- +

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Free Faxing / Free Security / Free Wifi

In today's TOURBUS, I've got some tips to soften the impact of the current financial crisis. Send a fax, for free. Dump your expensive anti-virus and anti-spyware software and replace them with free alternatives that work even better. And get yourself hooked up with free wifi, without fear of getting hacked or going to jail. Read on!

-------------
Free Faxing
-------------

Dump your fax machine, your computer and the Internet have made this dinosaur obsolete! If you need to send an occasional fax, but you don't have a fax machine, no problem... use free internet fax services, or free fax software that runs on your own computer. Here's how...

FREE FAXING - http://askbobrankin.com/send_a_free_fax.html

FAX SOFTWARE - http://askbobrankin.com/free_fax_software.html

--------------------------
Free Anti-Virus Software
--------------------------

Is your computer safe from viruses? Without the proper protection, your computer can become infected faster than you can recite your email address three times. Viruses can destroy files, compromise your privacy, and make you vulnerable to identity theft. If you DON'T have any kind of anti-virus software, or if you're not happy paying for the one you have now -- here's good news.

I've long recommended in TOURBUS that you stay away from the expensive bloatware packages like Norton and McAfee. I've heard from so many people that they're invasive, can bog down your system, and often cause more trouble than they're worth. And with so many excellent free anti-virus packages now available, why bother?

But maybe you're confused by all the free antivirus products. Some say that Avira is the best, others claim that AVG or Avast! is definitely the way to go. Is there a clear winner, or are they all pretty much the same? Here are my reviews of Avira, Avast! and AVG to help you decide which is best for you:

AVIRA - http://askbobrankin.com/avira_free_antivirus.html

AVAST! - http://askbobrankin.com/avast_free_antivirus.html

AVG - http://askbobrankin.com/avg_review.html

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Malware Scanners
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So you're covered when it comes to viruses... but what about spyware, adware, rootkits and other nasties? In order to protect against all of these online threats, you need a good malware scanner and a firewall. But which one? Read my reviews of seven free malware scanners, and then check out "Do I Need a Firewall?" to get the scoop on WHO needs a firewall, WHAT they do, and WHY you might be wasting your money on firewall software.

MALWARE SCANNERS - http://askbobrankin.com/malware_scanners.html

FIREWALLS - http://askbobrankin.com/do_i_need_a_firewall.html

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Wifi: Sniffers, Moochers, Hackers and Slackers
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A reader asked me about the legality of free wireless: "Sometimes when I'm away from home, I'll park my car, fire up the laptop and get online with a free unsecured wireless signal. Is this legal?" My advice: ask Sam Peterson. He'll probably tell you that it's much cheaper to go inside that coffee shop and buy a latte before going online. It might be a LOT cheaper than the fine and legal fees you could get hit with. Can you get arrested for mooching a free wifi signal? Find out here:

FREE WIFI - http://askbobrankin.com/is_free_wifi_illegal.html

Of course there are some places where free wifi is offered to the public, but it's not always easy to find a signal. A wifi sniffer can solve that problem. Here are six very clever wireless signal detection devices:

WIFI SNIFFERS - http://askbobrankin.com/wifi_sniffers.html

Do you have a wireless router in your home? You might be broadcasting a signal that makes it easy for neighbors, strangers or Evil Hackers to tap into your network. Find out how to secure your wireless network:

SECURE WIRELESS - http://askbobrankin.com/wireless_security.html

So you bought the latte and you're surfing in Starbucks. But if you're not very careful, someone could be intercepting everything that crosses your screen, or stealing your passwords. Find out how to use public wifi safely:

SAFE WIFI - http://www.askbobrankin.com/is_public_wi-fi_access_safe.html

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That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

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==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2008, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Be Smarter & Better Looking Than [-99.386605-] Percent of Users The Best of Everything - http://www.InternetTourbus.com/best.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Home - http://www.InternetTourbus.com
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.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.

Here are links to items posted on The Pump Handle over the past week:

** "Occupational Health News Roundup" by Liz Borkowski Campaigns warning of asbestos's dangers attract attention in France and the UK; Pennsylvania adopts legislation banning mandatory overtime for nurses and other healthcare workers; and post-9/11 veterans who've already paid for their education won't reap the more-generous benefits of an expanded GI bill set to take effect in August. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/24/occupational-health-news-roundup-86/

** "Still more BPA sleaze from FDA" by revere Susanne Rust and her Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel colleagues now report that the FDA draft report on bisphenol A seems to have been written largely by the industry. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/24/still-more-bpa-sleaze-from-fda/

** "Sign, sign, everywhere a sign" by Nathan Fetty A drive along West Virginia roads offers reminders of what a dangerous job mining is. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/23/sign-sign-everywhere-a-sign/

** "Bird flu reminder" by revere A bird flu pandemic is as hard to predict as the current global financial crisis was. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/23/bird-flu-reminder/

** "FDA Needs a Stronger Conflict-of-Interest Policy" by Liz Borkowski The FDA is facing criticism for its failure to adequately guard against conflicts of interest in its assessment of the safety of bisphenol A, after the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported that the chair of a bisphenol A subcommittee runs a center that received a $5 million gift from an opponent of regulation who insists on the chemical's safety. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/22/fda-needs-a-stronger-conflict-of-interest-policy/

** "UCS Reports on Agencies' Media Policies" by Liz Borkowski The Union of Concerned Scientists analyzed 15 regulatory and science agencies' policies governing communication with the media and the public, and then surveyed a cross-section of federal scientists to learn how the policies are implemented. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/21/ucs-reports-on-agencies%e2%80%99-media-policies/

** "What Does Climate Disruption Mean for Your Water?" by Ruth Long U.S. residents can't take our water for granted now that more severe storms and antiquated sewage systems are resulting in sewage-contaminated water. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/21/what-does-climate-disruption-mean-for-your-water/

** "OSHA's Proposal on Crane Safety" by Celeste Monforton OSHA has finally published its proposed rule on cranes, which has been 10 years in the making; it's puzzling, though, to see no mention in the agency's news release about the estimated 55 lives that this rule is expected to save each year. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/20/oshas-proposal-on-crane-safety/

** "Bush EPA sets new rules for lead in air: mirabile dictu" by revere The EPA's new standard for airborne lead particles is one thing the agency's done right – and they did it over the opposition of lead storage battery recyclers. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/20/bush-epa-sets-new-rules-for-lead-in-air/

** "Friday Blog Roundup" by Liz Borkowski Bloggers explore the likely effects of the economic crisis on health and environmental issues; look at what's in bottled water; and highlight low-cost interventions that can improve maternal health worldwide. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/10/17/friday-blog-roundup-96/

http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.

NASP Safety Awards

Anyone may make nominations to the NASP or IASP "Hall of Heroes". The Hall of Heroes are those who have been awarded a Safety Award or a Certificate of Honorable Mention by the National or International Association of Safety Professionals.

The Specific Awards Given By NASP and IASP Include:

The Medal of Honor
This award requires the direct saving of a life, through extreme personal risk or exceptional effort.

The Medal of Valor
This award requires the direct saving of a human life, the attempt to save a human life, or the remedy of a hazard that was likely to cause death or serious physical harm, while under significant personal risk or against such great odds as to exhibit valor.

The Medal of Merit
This award requires a contribution to human safety so exceptional as to warrant national recognition.

Life Saving Award
This award requires the saving of a human life through the use of CPR, the Heimlich Maneuver, or an approved means of rescue.

The Outstanding Service Award
This award requires a demonstrated commitment to human safety with quantifiable results, that distinguishes the recipient as one who has made exceptional effort above and beyond that normally expected of a person in a comparable position. Or, those nominated for the The Medal of Honor, The Medal of Valor, or The Medal of Merit whose actions are not deemed by NASP as sufficient to warrant the Medal, but who are deemed by IASP or NASP to warrant recognition.

You can get further details on NASP's web site [http://www.naspweb.com/aaa-safety-awards.php]

I am honored to have one of NASP's awards from 2005 and it is up again. It really is a beautiful presentation and all too often we forget those who put their heart and soul into making a difference. Take a few moments to let them know how much you appreciate them and how proud of their work you truly are!

This is a wonderful group who’s focus is set in safety culture and are always willing to extend a hand when it is needed. If you haven't visited their site or need great training take a few moments to see what they have to offer.

http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink.mil/releases/

01. Sgt. Federico G. Borjas, 33, of San Diego, Calif., died Oct. 16 in Bermel District Center, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered from small arms fire during a dismounted patrol. He was assigned to 416th Civil Affairs Battalion, 351st Civil Affairs Command, San Diego, Calif.

02. Spc. Justin A. Saint, 22, of Albertville, Ala., died Oct. 15 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries sustained in a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the Special Troops Battalion, XVIII Airborne Corps, Fort Bragg, N.C.

03. Spc. Heath K. Pickard, 21, of Palestine, Texas, died Oct. 16 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when he received indirect fire in Baquaba, Iraq. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 5th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Fort Wainwright, Alaska.

04. Maj. Robert D. Lindenau, 39, of Camano Island, Wash., died Oct. 20 in Charbagh, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when a rocket-propelled grenade struck his vehicle. He was assigned to the 91st Civil Affairs Battalion, 95th Civil Affairs Brigade (Airborne), Fort Bragg, N.C.

05. Lance Cpl. Stacy A. Dryden, 22, of North Canton, Ohio, died Oct. 19 from injuries sustained in a non-hostile incident in Anbar province, Iraq. She was assigned to 1st Supply Battalion, 1st Marine Logistics Group, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

06. Spc. Deon L. Taylor, 30, of Bronx, N.Y., died Oct. 22 in Bela Beluk, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when his vehicle encountered an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 27th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, New York Army National Guard, Syracuse, N.Y.

07. Staff Sgt. Brian P. Hause, 29, of Stoystown, Pa., died Oct. 23 of non-combat related medical causes at Balad Air Base, Iraq. He was assigned to the 20th Equipment Maintenance Squadron, Shaw Air Force Base, S.C.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.
08. Cpl. Adrian Robles, 21, of Scottsbluff, Neb., died Oct. 22 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.
09. Lance Cpl. San Sim, 23, of Santa Ana, Calif., died Oct. 22 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 7th Marines, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.
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Airman Missing In Action From WWII Is Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from World War II, have been identified and will be returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

He is 2nd Lt. Ray D. Packard, U.S. Army Air Forces, of Atwood, Calif. He will be buried on Oct. 22 in Prescott, Ariz.

Representatives from the Army met with Packard’s next-of-kin to explain the recovery and identification process and to coordinate interment with military honors on behalf of the Secretary of the Army.

On Aug. 25, 1944, Packard was a pilot in a flight of 22 P-38 Lightning fighter aircraft that left the allied airfield at St. Lambert, France, to attack enemy airfields near Laon-Chambry, France. Enroute to their target, the fighter group was intercepted by more than 80 German fighters near Beauvais, France. During the ensuing dogfight, 11 P-38s were shot down, including Packard’s which crashed 15 miles south of Beauvais near the town of Angy. Five of the pilots escaped and evaded enemy capture and two were taken as prisoners of war. Of the four men who were missing in action, three were later recovered and identified, but Packard remained unaccounted-for.

In 1951, a U.S. Army Graves Registration Command team investigated the incident and interviewed a French citizen who said he recovered human remains from a P-38 crash site in Angy. The team also interviewed the mayor of Angy who said that the remains had been buried in a local cemetery, but had later been exhumed and he didn’t know what happened after the disinterment. The team went to the crash site, but only found small pieces of aircraft wreckage.

In 2006, a Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) team traveled to Angy to investigate the incident. The team interviewed the son of the French citizen interviewed in 1951. He turned over to the team human remains and other non-biological evidence recovered from the crash site. The team interviewed another French citizen, an aircraft wreckage hunter, who turned over remains and other evidence from an excavation that he conducted at the site.

In 2006 and 2007, JPAC teams conducted two excavations and recovered more human remains, aircraft wreckage, and material evidence including Packard’s identification tag.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from JPAC used dental comparisons in the identification of Packard’s remains.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703) 699-1169.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq and Afghanistan. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Activities and Events of Interest - - Coming Events
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The 2008-2009 South Arkansas Symphony Orchestra season will begin shortly. We have tickets for any employees who like to attend one of these performances. These tickets will be distributed on a first come/first served basis:
From Broadway to You
Saturday, October 25 El Dorado
Sunday, October 26 Magnolia
Musical Gifts
Sunday, November 23 Camden
Hodie!
Sunday, December 14 El Dorado
In Honor of Dr. Martin Luther King
Monday, January 12 El Dorado
Valentine Romance
Saturday, February 14 El Dorado
Sunday, February 15 Magnolia
Viva Epspana!
Saturday, April 25 El Dorado
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Scheduled Activities
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CQ CQ all Hams. We have restarted a 2 meter net on the Willisville repeater, 146.655, every Tuesday evening at 7 PM. Please check in and spread the word. We would like to get some renewed interest in amateur radio and the ARKLA Amateur Radio Association. Will be listening for everyone next Tuesday night.
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner-News through e-mail?
E-mail addresses for communicating with the newspaper’s various departments are: news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events.
advertising@bannernews. net For retail and classified advertising.
circulation@bannernews. net To start, stop or cancel newspaper delivery or for comments about delivery.
outfitters @bannernews.net For Office Outfitters, the office supply division of the Banner-News.
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. - Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day - James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Psa 78:36-38 2 Chr 36:22-23 Rev 22:1-5 Rev 21:6-8 Gen 37:16-20 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat_q__.blogspot.com, where _ is the quarter (1, 2, 3, or 4) and __ is the year (05, 06, 07, or 08). We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at kc5hii@suddenlink.net and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2008 before it was sent.
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